Test of Faith

Any of you who are friends on facebook know something happened yesterday.  I sorta got the air knocked out of me, so to speak...and I have been trying, using gratitude, to turn this circumstance into a positive and not go into all out panic.

You see, I found out yesterday that the house that I was going to be moving in to in the next couple of weeks is not going to be for rent after all.  That the owners have decided to move there, which I think is a great idea and makes perfect sense.  The issue is, I have to move on or before Feb. 3rd, and literally have no where to go now.  And I only have only 3 weeks to find something suitable that will take Halley and me, and my pets...and that is the bugaboo...few rentals allow pets.  And I am not giving mine up...no way, no how.

But, as I said, I am trying to turn this around and be grateful that this happened.  This has not been easy, I will admit.  At first I went into all out panic but have settled down, and read a lot since then....and been trying to find things to be grateful for in light of this news.  I might not have been hit so hard had it not been a rough day to begin with yesterday.  I will admit, I had a breakdown.  The emotion of my struggle the past few months just got to me, and I was unable to contain it any longer...so the tears flowed and the negativity spewed from my mouth.  So, needless to say, getting this news yesterday did nothing to help my overall perception of my life thus far, and the life changing decisions I have made.

Having said all that...I settled...finally last night.  I picked up 'The Magic' and reread the chapter on money again...moved on to the next chapter, 'Works like Magic'...and then kept going to 'The Magical Way Out of Negativity'.  This was good...this was enlightening...and it allowed me to begin to change my perspective to the positive and begin to realize all is not lost...yet!  That by being thankful for what you have does in fact bring more positive into your life.  It's the law of attraction.  Buddah said, 'Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot today, we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little, at least we didn't get sick, and if we did get sick, at least we didn't die, so, let us all be thankful.'

So this is what I have to be thankful for...

1.  I am grateful that my friend has made this decision because it is the best decision for her and her daughters. Thank you...thank you...thank you.
2.  I am grateful that I found out yesterday so I have time to find another place that will work for me, Halley and the pets.  Thank you...thank you...thank you...
3.  I am grateful that I will not be adding an extra half-hour to my already long commute.  Thank you...thank you...thank you.
4.  I am grateful that I will not be putting my pets at risk being that far out with the threat of coyotes, etc to harm or possibly kill them.  Thank you...thank you...thank you.
5.  I am so grateful that Kelly is taking care of herself and her girls first because that is the most important thing for her right now.  Thank you...thank you...thank you.
6.  I am so very grateful for all support from people this change in plans has brought about.  Thank you...thank you...thank you.
7.  I am grateful that I will not have to worry about propane and water now....thank you...thank you...thank you.
8.  I am grateful for all the new opportunities that will present themselves to me...and the fabulous new home I find.  Thank you...thank you...thank you.
9.  I am grateful that my new home is manifesting even as we speak and will be revealed to me soon.  Thank you...thank you...thank you.
10.  I am grateful that I still have a roof over my head, my kids are safe and that I have a job to go to every morning that brings me the income I need to survive in the Bay Area until my right and perfect job appears.  Thank you ...thank you...thank you.

Yet, even with all this gratitude in my heart, here is where I sometimes get hung up...trying to stay positive and be completely focused on the reality that everything will work out for the best.  I am a firm believer that there are no accidents or coincidences...that everything happens for a reason.  We may not know those reasons at the time we are going through what we are going through but in time they will be revealed.  And to certainly be grateful for what I have.  But sometimes, every so often, I wonder if this is the case at all...that maybe it's this belief system of mine that is what gets me into trouble in the first place...that deep down knowing that everything will be ok...everything will turn out 'fine and dandy', when in reality, it will not.  And that I am just kidding myself.  But, I guess even with those thoughts running through my head it is hard for me to believe that it's not going to be ok...that everything will turn out the way it is supposed to.  That everything will be revealed in due time.  To just let go...and let God.  Well, this is the test!


So, folks, there you have it...the newest speed bump along the road to my new life.  I have often heard it said that the 'universe doesn't close one door without opening another'...so this is a test of that theory.  This door has obviously closed, please open the new one....and fast!