Kicked in the Teeth

So, I know I haven't been here for awhile and for that I apologize.  It's been a rough couple of days, to say the least.  And instead of finding gratitude for what I have, I sunk deeper into depression and fear.  You see, I have been working on something and have had one disappointment after another with this.  I won't go into detail because it's boring and not really the point.  But, suffice it to say, that Thursday, I got informed that I was going to have to start again and it would take more and more time.  Something I do not have a lot of anymore.  This information threw me into a tails spin to be honest...and the tears flowed.  I was unable to be consoled.  I was unable to see reason.  I was unable to do anything but sit in depressed fear and cry my eyes out feeling sorry for myself and thinking all was lost.

Now that I have made it to the other side, I realize, all was not lost and there were still a lot of things to be thankful for...I was just, in my despair, unwilling to see them.  And this is the point!  I get it now!  I think it took hitting rock bottom the other night to realize that through it all, no matter what happens, that there are always things to look positively at.

A hard lesson, for sure...but a necessary one.  I cannot say that I am completely out of the woods on this, because I still have not gotten what I needed but I can say that there are many many things that I am grateful for during this struggle...and how you look at it is the battle.  I read once that optimists accept adversity and disappointment and find ways to improve, while pessimists allow circumstances to beat them.  I want to be the optimist.  I want to know that no matter what happens, I can survive and move on.  So that is what I am doing...with gratitude.

I have not gotten what I need yet...it is being dealt with.  I still do not have a permanent place to live...I have not heard one way or the other on the cute little house.  And I still do not have a new job...none of the applications I have sent have I heard from.  But I refuse to give up.  I will make it through this time and move on in gratitude for what I already have...and I will succeed.  I may not know how...but I will.

So with that knowledge and commitment...I am moving on with my day and will do my gratitude work in the car as I drive to work this morning.

Enjoy your day...