Today has been an interesting day...to say the least. If found out last night that I didn't get the cute cottage that I fell head over heels for and that sent me into a tail spin. I have to stop doing this...seriously. I could not, for the life of me, no matter how hard I tried, seem to get myself out of the funk I was in. And to make matters worse, it's my daughter's birthday, so I should have been uber happy. Instead, I allowed myself to once again fall into the dregs of sadness, fear and depression...and ending up with that helpless feeling of despair. I did not come from a place of gratitude at all. And today, of all days, I should have been so very grateful because today is the day, 26 years ago that my youngest daughter, Halley was born. Oh my. When am I going to get it? When am I going to realize that being in that state does not do me any good at all...in fact, all it does is make me miserable and steal life from me.
What I am learning is that it is much harder to be grateful than I ever anticipated. I have allowed myself to become so critical over the past year that coming from a place of thankfulness is difficult at best. But, I am trying. Oh how I am trying. I am proud to say that I was able to draw myself back from the depth of who knows what after talking with my daughter-in-law and letting go of the energy behind what I was feeling. She said some things to me that really made sense, and that I needed to hear, and helped me focus on what was really important. She's amazing that way.
So between her common sense and loving advice and a long walk with the dogs, my positive attitude is back. And I have learned, once again, that nothing is as bad as it seems. There is always a solution...somewhere. So with that said, here are the things I am grateful for today...
1. I am so amazingly and eternally grateful and thankful that my daughter Halley was born 26 years ago today because she is my rock and I honestly do not know what I would do without her.'m blessed to be her mom. Thank you...thank you...thank you.
2. I am very very grateful and appreciative of my daughter-in-law, Tiffany, for always, always being there for me and helping me to see the light. Thank you ...thank you...thank you.
3. I am thankful for the amazing walk today on Cow Hill with the dogs because it got me outside in the fresh air surrounded by the beauty of nature and some nice folks. Thank you...thank you...thank you.
4. I am very grateful that the place we looked at, even though it was from outside, was not as bad as I thought it was going to be....It just might work. Thank you...thank you...thank you.
5. I am thankful for all the places that Tiffany sent me today to call on or email so tomorrow I can feel productive and see what exactly is out there. Thank you ...thank you...thank you.
6. I am grateful to know that this doesn't have to be permanent....this is just my temporary home until I find my dream job. That revelation from my daughter-in-law really turned the tide for me. Thank you..thank you...thank you.
7. I am, believe it or not, grateful that I did not get the cute little cottage because it really was too small for all of us and the pets. Thank you...thank you...thank you.
8. I am thankful that even though it is probably the best move for Kelly, she may not stay at the farm house and I might be able to go there afterall. Just that knowing has made a difference. Thank you...thank you...thank you.
9. I am so very thankful for Shelly and Mark for letting me stay with them for as long as they have...thank you...thank you...thank you.
10. I am so very very grateful of the knowing that my right and perfect place will appear when I need it to... Thank you ... thank you... thank you.
So, there it is...once again from the despair to gratitude in one day. One of these days I will get it....I promise. One of these days I will understand that living from a place of gratitude brings what I need when I need it...and that is what I need. I just hope it doesn't take me too long to get this integrated into my being.
Happy Monday...and Happy Birthday Halley!
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